Food.

Food.

Some people love it. Some people hate it. For many different reasons, I’m sure. I’m a lover (& I mean… LOVER) of food!

Carson. I think he hates it…well, except chocolate and candy…and occasionally other food like teddy grahams. And I can’t help but wonder if I’ve fed into his dislike of food. While, I know I’ve only ever done what I felt would help him…I still hate to think that I’ve been a piece of any negative experiences with food but I can tell you, I KNOW I have.

Food & Eating. It’s such a normal process for most people. As I just finished feeding Brody some of his first bites of oatmeal cereal, I see the joy he has in getting to put stuff in his mouth & have that interaction with me & experience this ‘stuff’ he’s watched all of us do around the table. It’s ALL positive and I thank God that I’m getting to experience this with Brody!

But I can’t help & also think how much different it is from Carson’s initial experiences (& even his current experiences). From the very beginning (at 2 or 3 months when we started trying a bottle), we were holding a squirming baby trying to get him to take a bottle…he fought reflux and even after that was controlled, he worked hard enough to breathe that eating was never easy! (Not to mention he has nerve damage & anatomical differences that would make it more difficult anyways!) I tear up thinking how automatic and easy eating is supposed to be and how HARD Carson has had to work from the beginning to succeed at eating, even a little bit. Something that is supposed to be so easy, automatic, enjoyable is possibly the least enjoyable and hardest thing Carson has had to do EVERY. Single. DAY!

This is a topic I could go on & on about….its a struggle for Carson…it’s a struggle for me to decide what is best and what would be best to help Carson. He threw up for the first 2 years of his life on a regular basis…it wasn’t until his first reconstructive surgery at almost 4 years old that we saw the throwing up stop (for the most part). Praise the Lord! I know that eating is closely linked to his respiratory status. So when he gets sick, eating is the first thing to go. So what may be a day or two of having little appetite for us gets drug out even longer for Carson and he doesn’t have much extra fat (okay, maybe none) or appetite to begin with so we quickly see the changes. This latest virus...he had a fever for a week and didn't feel good for about 2 weeks...he lost about 2 pounds (which he didn't have to lose).

So then, it is a question of letting him catch back up on the calories, or do we help him out with extra tube feedings (even though the feeding team has told us that the longer a child is tube fed, the more detriment to the normal appetite, hunger response), do I push food more, or just let him decide and figure it out- while he likely loses more weight??? I toy with these questions over and over.

Please be praying for Carson…for complete healing so that he will one day look forward to sitting down to eat a meal, that maybe at some point…way down the  road, he may actually look at the scale and think “Man, wouldn’t hurt to lose a few pounds” ; ) But for now, prayer for Preston and me as we navigate daily life, trying to keep eating experiences as positive as possible and for the decision making process of what is best for Carson…now and in the long run!

He is a remarkable kid and I am beyond grateful for all the feeding therapists we have had over the years. I now know that he CAN eat (& drink)…even if it is hard…even if he doesn’t have a good appetite…even if we really have to encourage him to eat most days…even if there is a behavioral component to it all. I have seen him eat a full pancake, a taco, a hot dog, a corn dog, etc. (even if those times are few and far between…I’ve seen it) and I’ve definitely seen him gobble up some chocolate & ice cream : )…who says that can’t make up a well-balanced meal?!?

And we boast in hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

Romans 2:2-5

Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired doing the hard work you already did. : )

After using some of their birthday money to pick out toys : )

I hope he is a lover of food...

...and keeps this most precious smile!