Carson and Kellen are really enjoying school. I think they miss being together all day but that makes recess all the more sweet...when they get to play together! They've told me that they do miss Brody and me but I am so thankful for their love of learning. I hope they continue to enjoy school! Don't get me wrong, mornings are a bit rough...having to get up early and then actually get ready and not take our time but when I pick the boys up from school, they are practically bouncing up and down trying to tell me ALL that they did that day. And let me just tell you, waiting in the car line and seeing their heads just peeking over the wall and then when they see my car and the smiles that light up their faces, THAT has to be one of my favorite moments of the day!!
Carson has an aide that is with him all day...to have eyes on him at recess, at lunch, etc. so that if something were to happen to his trach we wouldn't lose much time. I am so thankful for the aide he has!
So...with the start of Kindergarten, came the realization that my prayer for the last 3 years (at least) wasn't answered. So, while I also had some of the emotions of sending my kiddos off to school for the first time, realizing that I wouldn't have the majority of their time anymore & that in fact I will likely have less and less as time goes on, and that once school starts, I never get my time with them at home back, the bigger emotion was honestly, anger. Anger at God, I guess, that he hasn't chosen to heal Carson yet, that while I tried to be patient with the numerous surgeries in the past, Carson is still having to go to Kindergarten with a trach. And not only that, but we started capping his trach at night time about a week before school started (this is the last step before decannulation -taking the trach out) and while I should be excited. I'm not all that confident that Carson is ready for the trach to come out. We noticed snoring and increased work of breathing at night time when he is capped. His vital signs remain stable but he has to pull harder for breaths at times. It is frustrating and discouraging. And while I say all these things, I know I should be (& am) thankful for the gift of Carson's life. He has made improvements & above all, we HAVE Carson. But if I'm being honest, I am tired of being patient! So, while I kinda just wanted to ignore the snoring and the increased work of breathing and act like all was fine. I knew I couldn't. We took various videos of Carson sleeping/breathing and I sent them to Cincinnati. We will have another sleep study Sept 5th in St. Louis. I don't expect great or improved results from the last study but I do agree that another sleep study is important. And then we will just take the next step next. Trusting that God's plan is good, knowing that he loves Carson immensely more than I do, and continuing to hope for a miracle!
We appreciate all your prayers along the way and in the future. I do ask for prayer for safety for Carson while he is at school, for a good, accurate sleep study and for the scope that will be in November (that Carson will be healthy when it is time to go- he has already brought home his first cold of the school year :/ ) And prayer for me to truly just TRUST God and enjoy the moments and to continue to hope & believe in miracles. I've seen them...is it so wrong to want another?? ; )
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11
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| Another skate park (that is only 30 minutes away) |
FIRST DAY OF KINDERGARTEN!!!!
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| After school ice cream at our local drug store! |
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| Celebrating Mr. & Mrs. James & Jordan BUNCH! |
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| A sneak peak from some pictures we had taken...look at the smirk! (He knows he's got us wrapped around his finger!) |
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| First Bearcat Football Friday!! |
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| My heart is FULL (& my lap : ) |
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| Perfection in a picture!! |
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